DEAR DIARY,

WHAT THE HELL SMELLS LIKE MEAT IN HERE? IT'S BEEN DRIVING ME INSANE FOR DAYS. IT SMELLS LIKE A PEPPERONI CRAWLED IN HERE AND DIED. IT MIGHT BE THE PILES OF DISHES IN HERE, BUT I THINK THE PEPPERONI STORY IS MORE FUN. AND WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THIS SNOW? TV SNOW, IN MY BRAIN. IT'S INTERFERING WITH MY ABILITY TO THINK! THAT'S SO LAME! AND NOW DARKNESS, UTTER AND COMPLETE DARKNESS. WHAT THE SHIT? THE VARYING SHIFTS OF LIGHT; AM I DEAD? ARE THESE SHADOWS OF THINGS YET TO COME, OR THINGS THAT MERELY MIGHT BE? OH SPIRIT, SPIRIT! LEND ME YOUR EARS! WHAT ONCE WAS A TACO NOW IS TODD GOLDMAN, GLOWING IN ALL IT'S INFERNAL GLORY. THERMAL ABNORMALITIES ARE A THING OF THE PAST THANKS TO ZANTAX. CACAW, CACAW, I THINK THAT I AM GOING MAD WITH HUNGER. I ATE A WHOLE BOX OF DONETTES; I THINK I GAVE MYSELF DIABETES. WHAT IS DIABETES BUT IF THIS TOO TOO SOLID FLESH WOULD MELT AND RESOLVE ITSELF INTO A DEW. SHAKESPEARE IS A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND. SO IS JOHN HANCOCK, IF HE'S LUCKY. WHAT IS THE TRUE NATURE OF THE GOD STICK? TRULY, IT IS PRIVY TO A SUMMER'S NIGHT? OR THE LIKENESS OF A DOG? MELANCHOLY FOREBODING WANES IN THE FAGGOTRY OF THE OLD WORLD, LIFTING UP PRAISES TO A NEW GENERATION OF POWER. MIRROR MIRROR CHILI BEANS, CAN I BE THE KING OF QUEENS? HICKORY DICKORY SATAN AAAAAAAAH WHAT?! TO BE OR NOT DICK CHENEY, THAT IS THE MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY WHAT WHAT WHO? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD!! MANOS, A HAAAAAA! ROCK OPERA OF FAAAAATE! OH YEAH! I HOPE THAT'S NOT COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT, BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE THAT SHOW. THEY'RE PUTTING ME BLEW IT UP OH GOD OH GOF WOAT ARE WE GOING TO GO!? AGAGAGAGHAW! GUFFAW! SHROOOOOOOM!! ATTACKS! THE CAKED ON MORTAR OF THESE BRICK WALLS, IT'S MOCKING ME; NAY, MOCKING GOD. I WILL DESTROY IT FOR ITS PETTY INSOLENCE, AND THEN WE SHALL SEE WHO THE REAL KILLER IS. IT WAS MR. MCREADY THE WHOLE TIME! HE THOUGHT THAT BY MURDERING ALL THE TOURISTS, HE COULD EAT JESUS AND WIN THE WORLD SERIES. WHAT A LOAD OF BULL.

SINCERELY,
REVEREND IAN M. BURTON



P.S.

I WAS TAGGED BY TO DO THIS

I HEREBY TAG THESE PEOPLE:


I ONLY DID FIVE TAGS BUT WHO CARES THIS IS MY SHOW

ALSO, UH, WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO FOR THIS IS JUST SHUT YOUR EYES, OPEN YOUR MIND, AND WRITE DOWN WHATEVER THE HELL COMES TO MIND. ANYTHING. THE GUY WHO TAGGED ME TOTALLY MADE A QUIZ WITH NO DIRECTIONS. I DID A DIARY ENTRY. YOU COULD WRITE ABOUT A TRAIN ENGINEER WHO IS HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A BASEBALL AND BECOMES A SAVANT. WHO CARES? DO IT.